Dear Anti-national, don't be so glum! It's okay if a "hyper-nationalist" has asked you to "go to Pakistan" after you displayed that slight hint of admiration in your eyes for the men in green who like gladiators thrashed our homegrown heroes at the Champions Trophy 2017.
It's also fine if a troll gang got outraged and asked you to pack your bags and "shift to Pakistan" after you commented on Twitter that you love eating beef. These days, almost every anti-national has been asked to 'exit India and enter Pakistan'.
Even National Commission for Minorities chairman Gairul Hasan Rizvi strongly believes that those who celebrated Pakistan's win over India should be deported to the neighbouring country.
The Indian Express quoted Rizvi as saying: "I was asked about people, including those in Kashmir, who celebrated Pakistani win (in the Champions Trophy final). I said these are people whose mind and heart are actually in Pakistan, just their bodies are here, so they too should go there. Or better still, they should be deported across the border."
We just hope the Pakistani High Commission in Delhi has the heart to allow so many men/women in exile to enter Pakistan from the "enemy" country. Or, hope Bajrangi Bhaijaan is listening to the prayers of all anti-nationals to help them enter Pakistan by scaling the border fence.
Chances of Bajrangi Bhaijaan aka Salman Bhai coming to the rescue of anti-nationals also look dim, as he has turned into a "Tubelight". So, brace yourself to face sedition charges or if you want to save your skin then plan your great escape to Pakistan.
It's better to go to Pakistan than face sedition charges in India on filmsy grounds like praising and supporting the superb Pakistani cricket team. After Pakistan's win in the Champions Trophy, in India the sedition charge has been filed against 17 men, out of which 15 are from Madhya Pradesh and two from Karnataka.
Four other men also courted arrest in Karnataka and three minors were held by police in Uttarakhand. Their crime, they celebrated Pakistan's win against India and allegedly raised pro-Pakistan slogans and thus hurt the "religious" sentiments of the Hindus.
However, after courting criticism, the MP police on Thursday dropped sedition charges against the 15 men. Now, they have been booked under Section 153 A of the IPC for allegedly disturbing communal harmony.
In Kashmir, reports suggested that almost the entire Valley, including separatist leader Mirwaiz Umar Farooq, celebrated Pakistan's win. Farooq had a helluva time after he expressed his support for the "enemy" team.
In response to the separatist leader's public display of affection for Captain Sarfraz Ahmed's team, "patriot" and cricketer Gautam Gambhir in a tweet asked him to celebrate Pakistan's win in Pakistan rather than in Kashmir.
Is it wrong to praise a superb sport team or a sportsperson? If yes, then no Indian should watch the Olympics. After all, we hardly win medals in the scintillating event hosted every four year. Mostly, we end up cheering for players from across the globe.
1. Pakistan hosts the world's highest mountain ranges, which include the Himalayas and Hindu Kush.
2. Pakistan has a vibrant food culture. You should taste Pakistani nihari and halwa. They are really yummy.
3. Pakistan is the birth place of finest artists like Mehdi Hasan and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.
4. Pakistan is the land of finest writers like Saadat Hasan Manto and Mohsin Hamid.
6. Pakistani soil has been enriched by Nobel laureates like physicist Abdus Salam and activist Malala Yousafzai.
7. Pakistan's Edhi Foundation runs the world's largest ambulance service.
8. Pakistani television dramas are far better than India's saas-bahu serials.
Sorry folks, contrary to our promise, we have cited only 10 reasons and not 101 to visit Pakistan before 'dying'. Rest, please google and find out or just go to Pakistan. And yes, read this as a love letter from one anti-national to another in this time of "hatred".